you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
