I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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