so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
