it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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