Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
