Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
