After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
