Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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