I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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