Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
