I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
