I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
