Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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