remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
