I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
