You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she looked like the before picture.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
