This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
