i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
