Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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