dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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