Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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