Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
