i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
