she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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