I molested 6 butterflies tonight
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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