you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
