Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
