So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
