Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
