Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
