just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My bed smells like the plague
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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