my phone needs a breathalizer
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
