If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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