Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
