I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
