Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
