see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
