i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
