Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
