I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
