just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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