her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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