he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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