It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dignity is for republicans.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
