k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
