marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
