oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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