vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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