Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
