I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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